Morning Coffee

I find I can always depend on more traditional media – especially newspapers - to provide a story that just leaves me sitting there scratching my head. One recent article advised the reader that our kids are more capable than we give them credit for. They went on to list examples of kids in other cultures who did chores – starting at a very young age – and actually seemed to enjoy it. After thinking about this for several days, I can only conclude that this astonishing discovery has to have its source in the current generation. All the previous generations have known it for centuries.

Seriously. Where do they get this stuff? The sad truth is kids today are being short-changed by well meaning parents who have bought into so much hype it's impossible to even keep track anymore. The end result is a generation that's being taught, almost from the day they are born, that life is so complicated they can't hope to survive it on their own. They aren't just being pampered. They're being cheated.

The concept that kids are capable of doing chores is hardly new. If it were, the human race would be extinct by now. The next time you even question that, think back a century or so – in any society, including ours. The people who worked from can see to can't see just to keep a roof over their heads and put food on the table didn't have time to question whether or not the kid could do a specific task. As soon as he was physically big enough, he was expected to. It was as simple as that. And once he was shown how, he was expected to do it right. There just wasn't enough time to accept anything less. They called it building character. They were teaching responsibility and self discipline, but at the same time, the child was being given the opportunity to achieve something, and as a result, learned the self-satisfaction of accomplishment. They also learned to be contributing members of the family – an important step toward becoming contributing members of society. The primary benefit of this whole process was generations of young adults who had the skills – and even more important, the independence and confidence - they would need to survive on their own.

As a parent myself, I can honestly say it's a whole lot easier to do the chore yourself than it is to get the kids to do it. There are a lot of other things they would rather be doing, and they're prepared to fight about it. Their objective is to convince you they can't do it, and a lot of kids today are very successful at it. Let's face it, you could do it yourself in a fraction of the time. Get the kids to do it and you have to set standards, and then go back to make sure it was done properly. Whenever it isn't, there's the question of consequences. Times have changed. It's no longer socially acceptable to thrash the living daylights out of a disobedient child, and most of them know it. They also know that if they create a big enough fuss, they can wear you down. Unfortunately, giving up and doing the chore yourself is choosing the line of least resistance. Whenever you make that choice as a parent you are actually shirking your own responsibility.

I bet that set off a few knee-jerk reactions. But it gets worse. Whatever excuse you come up with, from 'I don't have the time' to 'I don't want my kid to hate me' is exactly that. An excuse to take the line of least resistance. An excuse to get out of your own responsibility as a parent. Believe it or not, the day you decided to have kids was the day you decided to accept the responsibility of teaching them the skills they would need to get along in life.

So by now you're probably asking what has learning how to make a bed got to do with getting along in life? The answer here is pretty simple, too. You don't just teach your three year old to make his bed. You teach him to do a good job, and then you teach him to be proud of the fact that he can. Every single time you do this, you're telling him you know he's capable of doing anything he sets his mind to. You're giving the child the confidence to try. Start doing this at three, and by the time he's twenty-five, he could move the world. Remember: Your objective is to raise an independent, self-confident and contributing member of society. The extra effort is worth it.